Your Values are not Read-Only

I just realized this while biking home today:

Internet dating advice sites: “You should aim to fuck many women.”
Me: “But I don’t want to fuck many women!”
This is a value issue.

Old value: “I don’t want sex with many women”
New value: “I don’t care about actually having sex with many women, but I do want to see what’s out there, play with situations and see what’s available to me”
Rejected value: “I want to have sex with many women”

Suddenly I’m motivated to go play the field again.

You Cannot Protect Women

L was less available than expected this week.

This surprised me. I thought she would be there forever. I never thought she would pull back.

Silly, I know.

I had to pull back too, to protect myself.

And when I did, I realized something: even with a sweet, innocent, inexperienced girl, I still have to protect myself.

Women were not meant to be protected after all.

The most you can protect a woman from is a physical assault. But in such a case, the reason why she falls harder for you afterwards is not because you protected her, but because you demonstrated your strength.

I bounced this idea off a colleague. Here’s what she said: “but of course! most of the time we need to be protected from ourselves!”

Everything fell into place. I always thought that one had to protect women, so I wanted to be nice to them after the relationship. And I took pains to be extra nice elsewhere. But that was interpreted as weakness. And if they really wanted to be protected, why would they want to be slapped around and violently manhandled in bed? Shouldn’t that be what I’m supposed to protect them from?

But it all made sense. Because women are strong too. They don’t need to be protected, unless it involves physical strength. They got along just fine without me around, and they’ll get along just fine after I’m gone too, no doubt.

And I always thought love was about protection – but I guess I was wrong. Without protection, love is now just companionship, caring.

From Windows 7 to Arch Linux

So you’ve gotten quite comfortable with your home which you’ve been living in for the past 5 years. But your life has changed so much that it doesn’t quite fit anymore, even if it does keep you warm just as well as it did before. So many files here and there from when you did this or that, and you don’t even remember what they contain anymore and you don’t have the time to go through every one of them. It’s time to rip everything out and start all over again.

So with some excitement, and maybe just a little wistfulness, you type ‘parted; mklabel gpt’ and wipe your partition table clean.

This wasn’t because Linux had gotten better – oh no. In fact it’s quite the same as it was years ago, when everybody was declaring every year to be the year of the Linux desktop – flaky drivers here and there, small niggling things that require quite a bit of research to get working right, and always the possibility that a package update might break something.

But what’s the alternative? Windows 10 has improvements but you have to flip half a dozen switches (ok, more) to get it to not talk to Microsoft,  and even then, it seems like it still does. I grew up on Windows, but it has gotten so complicated that I don’t know what’s what anymore, and actually I don’t think anyone at Microsoft knows either. How could they? The whole thing has gotten out of control, the Windows directory is at least 20GB with all the patches, you need a SSD to get it to run quickly, and putting a swanky new interface on it that isn’t even applied consistently everywhere just makes it a joke now that I’m using OS X daily.

Continue reading From Windows 7 to Arch Linux

Cute Women…

There’s a Japanese magazine called Ultimate Top Beauty. So of course I had to download it.

But it’s funny, when I look at those doe eyed chicks, something happened.

‘Eh, she looks sweet and innocent but… is she really that sweet?’

And I used to be a real sucker for cute girls! But now I find myself swinging more to the ‘hot’ side than the ‘cute’ side… probably because the ‘cute’ implies a personality that it might not deliver on, whereas ‘hot’ is just that: hot.

Or maybe, in the distant future, I will look at a picture of a hot girl and think:

‘Eh, she looks hot… but I bet her life isn’t all that interesting’

I’m not sure if that’ll make me jaded or experienced.

My Mindset is Slowly Slipping/I Am Not Special

For about a full year now, since… oh, January 2015, I’ve had had two girlfriends. And when something didn’t work out with the second, I found another girl that very same day, and since then she has been my second girlfriend.

It’s given me a quiet sense of confidence for a long time now, but ever since Julia said she doesn’t want to be a #3 I’ve found my confidence wavering a little bit.

Yes, I am lucky that two attractive women know about each other choose to stay with me and still let me approach other women (although not without some consternation!).

So why am I so lazy and choose NOT to approach other women nowadays? Every time I see a nice chick, my brain STILL thinks of excuses to not approach her.

I think to myself “oh, F and L wouldn’t like this, and I’m pushing things as it is with them.”

I think to myself “she’s not that hot really”

And if she is hot, I think to myself “her attitude probably sucks compared to L’s”

Having attained some measure of success, I find myself becoming, gradually more afraid of being rejected. Yes, that is what happened with Julia. And my mindset is already wavering, in a vague, fundamental way.

The truth is I have two girlfriends because I am lucky. It is not because of any incredible merit.  Subconsciously I know this, that I will still get rejected a lot. So I try not to try anymore with other girls to preserve, to hang on to what’s left of my illusion that I am someone so special, someone so attractive that two women choose to be with him.

I am not so special, or so attractive – my girlfriends are with me because they somehow chose to, and I was lucky to have met them. You can see this because many girls will still reject me.

And now, once again, I have nothing to lose.

Just Turn the Brain Off

Imagine an European brunette with a sweet and quiet personality, just turned 21, absolutely no pretensions of being a ‘strong woman’, and very much in love with you.

Let’s call her L.

We were walking along the orange tinted streets at dusk, with the chilly autumn wind slowly sapping away at our comfort, when she said “Look! It’s a full moon!”

How often we walk somewhere with our minds directed solely at a specific purpose, never stopping to experience the environment we are in!  Imagine the peace of mind we could have if, instead of walking with blinders to our purpose, we walk slowly and choose to let the things in our environment amaze us again solely by the virtue of their existence.

This was what had gone through her mind.

I had thought about this before. Doing, not thinking, is  the most effective. Look at how many living creatures there are in the world today, even though most of them cannot think! Humans have intelligence – but even intelligence must be used intelligently. One mustn’t sit around all day spinning his wheels in the mud of his own thoughts.

There isn’t really a need to think so much. One should spend some time to think, philosophize about his current situation, how he got here and what he can do from here, make a plan, and then switch the brain off and execute the plan.

I should really turn my brain off during sex. Such a beautiful flower. I should spend less time focusing on my worries and thoughts, and more time focusing on its beauty, and watching how it blooms under my touch.

So apparently the first Austin Powers movie

… had the subtitle ‘International Man of Mystery’, which dilutes my eagerness to use the same moniker.

But I swear I came up with it before I had even heard of Austin Powers. In fact, that was how I saw James Bond. A mysterious, worldly man who had the skills and the knowhow to get through anything.

Anyway, this blog will be about my several endeavours at becoming an international man of mystery.

  • First is becoming the ’10’ for women. To have everything, the looks, the charm, the grace, the power, the wealth, the wisdom, and the mystery.
  • Then wealth, which enables freedom. Not much to be said here, except that they say that getting wealthy is much harder than getting women.

That’s all. Just two endeavours. They should be enough to keep me busy for a while.

Getting a handle on Value For Money

After reading this post on TR forums I figured out a great way to calculate how value for money some of my possessions are. Cost is not a true indicator of value.

So after fiddling a bit with Excel, I came up with this:

What totally confirms my theory is that stuff which I always felt was really worth it, really was worth it (got good numbers on the cost/day). And stuff that I felt ‘meh’ about really did score ‘meh’. I fuzzed the ‘days’ part a bit on some things, because I owned some things for a long time but didn’t use them every day.

For example, I always did feel that the Seiko watch and the 1TB external hard drive was worth it. And the Samsung F2380 monitor, which I used all the time. The only exceptions are the Macbook Air (which I use all the time, but still scores badly because it was so expensive) and the PowerMac G5 (which scores badly because I used it only for a few months, but I really enjoyed my time with it). The Radeon HD 6870 should have a better score really because I mined quite a few altcoins with it. Oh well, cost/day is not the perfect metric.

Going on to non-technology related possessions, army surplus was always going to be a good deal, the exception being the ILBE because I had it shipped from the US, and I had to pay customs. Why so much trouble for it? Because it was a good pack – I put my entire load in it and walked all around Potsdam yesterday with it. Besides being bigger than the ALICE pack, it’s also easier to get things in and out of it (because there’s a side pocket and no big flap to deal with, and I can open the lid while wearing the pack), easier to don and doff, and less uncomfortable after a long walk.

This Excel table really helped put things into perspective. For instance, all my things cost me at most an EUR per day, but food and lodging are 10x that at least. So the reality is, although possessions seem expensive, what’s really expensive in the long run is living (because we all want to live).

With my new found job I was thinking of buying new things, but now that I’ve seen this I’m going to keep my PC and HTC One S for a while longer just to extract maximum value out of them.

So now that we’ve seen all this, what is an expensive possession? It looks like an expensive possession is something that costs more than 1EUR/day, assuming you keep it for a reasonable amount of time.

How to install exfat-fuse on 10.5.8 PPC

Just a few notes for the future.

Macports installs a lot of dependencies, plus it cannot compile osxfuse (can’t use another port anymore) because osxfuse wants XCode 3.2, which doesn’t run on Leopard (only Snow Leopard). Use the binary provided on the official OSXFUSE website.

Use tigerbrew to install python 2.7 and scons. Just to install scons, Macports will install a lot of different crap, but at least it knows that python 2.7 is required to get scons to work properly. scons 2.3.4 is supposed to run on python 2.5.1 according to the documentation, but if you try you will end up with this error. Apparently ‘as’ only works with exceptions since python 2.6:
Import failed. Unable to find SCons files in:
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "/usr/local/bin/scons", line 190, in
import SCons.Script
File "/usr/local/lib/scons-2.3.4/SCons/Script/", line 76, in
import SCons.Environment
File "/usr/local/lib/scons-2.3.4/SCons/", line 56, in
import SCons.SConf
File "/usr/local/lib/scons-2.3.4/SCons/", line 199
except TypeError as e:

After you have python 2.7 and scons, you can follow the instructions on the exfat-fuse website. And it works.

Killed a Radeon HD 7950 in 2 days

I bought a Radeon HD 6870 and 7950 to help mine altcoins, thinking it would all pay off in two months.

No excitement here, these are slaves, workers, brought in to do the work my trusty olde GTX470 can’t do by itself. As such, I only took pictures of the Radeon HD 6870, but not the 7950. Well… it’s dead now. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The first thing I noticed about the 7950 was either the cooler sucked (Sapphire Dual-X), or the chip puts out way more heat than my GTX470. Ran a bit of Metro 2033 on the thing just to satisfy my friend, didn’t feel noticeably smoother than on my GTX470 unfortunately. Also ran Crysis 2 on DX11. The added oomph from the 7950 wasn’t enough to make Crysis 2 as smooth as DX9 (on my GTX470). Overall, gaming wise, I hadn’t gone anywhere. Not that I needed extra performance in games – I hardly play games anymore.

Mining was a good upgrade over my overclocked GTX470. The Radeon HD 6870 didn’t want to work with the integrated Radeon HD 4250 in my second computer, but once I told it it was the only card for me, it set to work making LTC/FTC/CNC at 300kH/s (this is at high intensity). The Radeon HD 7950 managed to score the same amount at low intensity settings in GUIminer-scrypt (preset: 7950 low usage) but at high intensity it could pump out 450kH/s.

This made the desktop incredibly laggy, even if it was driving only one monitor, both monitors would be laggy. Seems to be a Windows issue, no wonder so many headless mining rigs run Linux. So I kept all the monitors on my GTX470 instead, and enjoyed smooth desktop operation while the 7950 cranked away.

All in all, 450kH/s+300kH/s+150kH/s is not an impressive show, when I bought the two cards, I had banked on the 6870 producing 350kH/s, and the 7950 to produce ~650kH/s. Turns out these were only peak figures achieved by people with watercooling loops.

Then I found that Powertune was throttling the 7950 down to 64% every now and then. WTF? When I buy a card with a custom cooler, I expect it be able to run at stock clocks without throttling, no matter the workload! So I raised the limit, and overclocked it, but I found that the overclock made Powertune throttle the GPU down to 64%… again. I figured the 100% of 925MHz was better than an intermittent 64% of 1100MHz… so I left it all at stock clocks, but kept the Powertune at +20%. OK, it’s now at 100% and not throttling – but I’m only getting 560kH/s, max. The Litecoin wiki said I’d get 600! (spent some time with thread-concurrency at 21712-24000, nothing got me up to 600 on stock clocks.

Nevertheless I had other concerns. It was getting really fucking hot, the GPU was reaching 83C. and loud. Freaking loud. The 6870 was working hard, and I couldn’t hear it over the background noise coming in from the open window. The 7950 made my PC sound like a blade server, and the sheer heat scared me enough to keep the case open, and the window to my room open. With the case closed, the heat from the 7950 made my Phenom II X6 just as hot as if it had been working at 100% too. I decided to leave the 7950 alone at 560kH/s and not overclock it.

I put up with this racket for two days, helped immensely by a pair of green foam earplugs and copious amounts of cold tap water on my body. In the end, I decided to give the computer a rest – I was hearing a rattling fan somewhere in there. Killed the miners (I got one block of BTB! yay) and let it idle at the desktop for a while. Then I shut the system down.

Ah, some peace and quiet. The Corsair Graphite 600T is making cracking noises as it sheds the heat, damn that was some workout. The CPU’s heatsink, despite it idling all the time, is hot. The heatplate on the 7950 burnt my finger. The GTX470 is doing just fine despite being just below the 7950 and running cudaminer (I don’t know how but Gelid’s Icy Vision custom heatsink is an incredibly good performer). Really, such peace and quiet. XFX’s 6870 is working in the other computer, reliably, making a loud whooshing sound but nothing really grating. OK, it’s time to get back to work.

I press the button, and my LED fans flash on for an instant, and quickly die. I smell something. Fuck. was that my mainboard? was that…. anything? I press again and again, the computer refuses to turn on, seems like the PSU’s short circuit protection is working. I pull out the Radeon HD 7950 and the computer boots.

God damn. So much for high quality Black Diamond chokes. So much for the Dual-X cooler. So much for Powertune. So much for mining!

Lessons learned:
1. Graphic cards should be seen and not heard.
2. Slow, steady and silent is actually preferable to fast, hot and raucous (does this mean I should mine LTC instead of the more profitable FTC/CNC?)
3. Sapphire’s Dual-X cooler isn’t all that. Shitty hardware review sites like say that the cooler keeps the GPU at 63C while being silent, without mentioning that this is all because Powertune is silently throttling it in the background. Although Sapphire’s Dual-X heatsink is “custom”, the aftermarket Gelid Icy Vision dissipates the same amount of heat silently, without any fuss. I’m sure my GTX470 can put out more heat.
4. Most importantly: mining is for suckers. Buying hardware just for mining is for real suckers.

The 7950 is going back for a refund. It wasn’t perceptibly faster than my GTX470 anyway, despite what Anandtech bench may say.